The Hetalia Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Mytho Del Rosa
Summary: The latest in recent technology! A Cracked guide on how to maintain and nurture the cast of Axis Powers Hetalia. Pure crack...OTL
1. America unit

I found this particular fanfiction while cleaning out some of my old files on my computer. After reading through it I thought it would be fun to sort of replicate it. So, I'd just like to say before I start this that the concept is not mine, and actually, the concept isn't the person's who I'm sort of copying it from. Apparently it belongs to someone that goes by the name "TheresaGreen" and their LOTR fanfiction. So…yeah…but anyway, what this other person did was for Death Note, but I think it'll work just as well for Hetalia…hopefully it hasn't been done yet…actually, I honestly think it hasn't, but if it has then I apologize and I'll remove it.

On another note, I'm not one hundred percent sure if it counts as a fanfic…so if it doesn't then I apologize for that as well v.v, but I think it'll be fun and hopefully won't go against the TOS. If it does, then I will gladly remove it and just keep it for my own personal kicks and giggles :3.

So on a final note, I don't really own anything…I don't own Hetalia, I don't really own the original concept, but the idea of putting Hetalia and this concept together I suppose I can accept…sort of…yeah…

Enjoy =3=…

* * *

Alfred F. Jones (America): The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Hello! Allies Incorporated is proud to present to you the newly remodeled AMERICA unit. This manual was created to insure you top performance from your favorite self proclaimed hero. There are several easily accessible and user friendly sections in this manual including FAQ and Troubleshooting, which are located at the end. It is highly recommended that you read everything word for word, especially if you don't want your personal hero to run rampant.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Alfred F. Jones; however he also answers to: Alfred, Hero, Mr. Awesome, and Defender of Justice

Birthdate: July 4th (differs from DoM)

Lifespan (starting from activation): Indefinite

Height:

Weight:

Length: Super sized :D

Date of Manufacture (DoM): Today

Place of Manufacture: Hero-Mart, Hetalia Incorporated

Note: The AMERICA unit, like all of Hetalia Incorporated units, will grow into a mature country once activated, or until they decided to rebel and demand independence. If you wish to remove this feature, simply feed them one of the ENGLAND unit's scones. All software pertaining to growth will deteriorate, as will it shorten their lifespan.

Your AMERICA unit Comes with the Following Items:

Bomber jacket

Tan military issue officer's uniform

Pair of black military issue boots

Pair of black military issue officers shoes

Pair of glasses

Revolutionary War uniform

Revolutionary War issued rifle

Dress suit

Cowboy outfit

X50 Hamburgers

X50 French fries

X50 Milkshakes

X50 Ice creams

X50 Bottles of cola

When first opening the box, you may find that the AMERICA unit is highly depended on you. You needn't worry, simply leave him alone for long periods of time and he will grow out of it.

Programming:

The AMERICA unit comes with several different functions and modes. Below are the few occupations he has an aptitude for:

Colony: AMERICA's first occupation

Rebel: AMERICA units are HIGHLY independent and as such excel at doing things their own way. It is usually best not to get in an AMERICA unit's way when in this stage. The likely hood of them declaring war and independence on you are increased by about eighty percent.

Soldier: AMERICA units are very strong and have a tendency to try and fight other people's battles. While this is a nice feature for those who suffer from constant bullying at school, it can get rather annoying after a while, despite the AMERICA unit's good intentions.

Cowboy: A rather short lived feature, but handy none the less…and good for those special fangirls who want to see the hero in a pair of sexy cowhide chaps.

Center of Attention: AMERICA unit's love attention, they strive for attention, they live for attention. Hosting a party? It's a guarantee that it'll be a smash if your AMERICA unit is in plain sight.

Hero: This coincides with the Soldier occupation, AMERICA units are very adept to protecting those close to them and as such make very good bodyguards. It also helps that they love the thrill of coming to the rescue. However, one must be wary, they have a tendency on showing up at the very last minute for a "flashy" entrance…

Your AMERICA unit Comes in the Following Modes:

Hero (default)

Hungry

Over Achiever

Inventor (locked)

Diet (locked)

Out of Character – OOC (locked)

There is often confusion between the AMERICA unit's default, Hero Mode from Over Achiever Mode, however, here are some distinctions between the two.

Over Achiever Mode, while very easily activated, usually only happens when the AMERICA unit is given a specific task that interests him. Some examples of this would be introducing him to a RUSSIA unit, ultimately the two will strike up a rivalry and constantly try to out do the other. This mode can also unlock the Inventor Mode.

Inventor Mode is usually very interesting when first activated. The AMERICA unit will start creating either a well known product or something completely new. This mode will grow very old very quickly however, seeing as this mode is usually only activated when in Over Achiever Mode, the AMERICA unit will make mass quantities of said product, this making them impossible to sell for profit…in fact, there will be so many that you won't even be able to give them away, thus resulting in a stock market crash.

Also, this will make relations with other unit's very shaky, save for the RUSSIA unit who is unaffected either way.

Unlike other Hetalia Incorporated units, AMERICA units can consume vast amounts of calories without gaining any weight. Especially when the AMERICA unit is in Hungry Mode, which has proven to be a set back to most buyers due to the fact that McDonalds can get very expensive when it's demanded for every meal for several weeks on end. If your AMERICA unit consumes over 25,000 calories in a day and then disappears into the bathroom for several hours, the AMERICA unit has unlocked the Diet Mode.

When your AMERICA unit unlocks Diet Mode, he will spend every waking moment trying different forms of losing weight while frequenting the bathroom to stand on the scale. This mode is probably the most amusing due to the fact that he doesn't know he has a fast metabolism and the weight he's gained is all muscle. Though it is not recommended calling him fat…

To unlock the AMERICA unit's OOC Mode, you simply have to introduce him to either an ENGLAND unit in Drunk Mode or a CANADA unit in Rage Mode. It also helps if the AMERICA unit is in Diet Mode, since both the ENGLAND and CANADA unit's will most likely call him fat when they're in those modes.

For the yaoi fangirls out there, if you want your AMERICA unit to have a relationship with any other unit of the opposite sex, first make sure that your AMERICA unit is in its default Hero Mode. Then, depending on which unit you want him to have a relationship with, have him do something heroic.

One example would be, if an ENGLAND unit is in Waiter Mode, have your AMERICA unit defend him if say a FRANCE unit tries to molest him. This will then unlock both of their OOC Mode's, from there you simply need to have your AMERICA unit be unwittingly charming. The ENGLAND unit will be reluctant at first, but will soon grow to love your AMERICA unit.

Unit's that are capable of having intimate relationships with AMERICA unit's are; ENGLAND, RUSSIA, CANADA, BELARUS, JAPAN, SEYCHELLES, and FRANCE.

Relations With Other Units:

ENGLAND: ENGLAND units and AMERICA units are actually very close to begin with. While the two very rarely get along with each other, the AMERICA unit still holds a certain level of respect for ENGLAND units and ENGLAND units hold a sort of fatherly/brotherly bond with AMERICA units.

CANADA: Which unit is this again?

RUSSIA: RUSSIA units are the AMERICA unit's arch rival. They often throw insults at one another and try to out do each other on several occasions. However, both RUSSIA and AMERICA units hold a certain level of understanding for each other and in the end probably won't try to kill each other.

JAPAN: One of the only units AMERICA units can honestly call a friend, after ENGLAND units that is. While the two started off friendly, there was a moment where they were not, but in the end they became friends again…AMERICA units often borrow things from JAPAN units and have a tendency to forget to return them…

FRANCE: While AMERICA and FRANCE units were once allies, now AMERICA units believe that it is a FRANCE units sole purpose to oppose any suggestion he makes.

CUBA: AMERICA units and CUBA units don't get along…

Note: AMERICA units are very, if not too, charismatic and as such, believe they have more friends than they really do.

Cleaning:

AMERICA units are often too busy being Hero's to remember to bathe on a regular basis. However, AMERICA units can pull of the rugged manly smell surprisingly well. If that is not your cup of tea or ENGLAND units start sending threatening letters insisting that he bathe, it is recommended that you bribe your AMERICA unit with hamburgers. If that doesn't work, simply tell him that you have ice cream. Your AMERICA unit will then go into a fit of happiness (Hungry Mode), run at you, slip on a strategically placed fruit peel, break his leg and get a concussion. While he will be a little peeved that you tricked him, he will at least have his ice cream and you'll be able to give him a sponge bath in the hospital. Either that, or watch him get a sponge bath, or watch him get a sponge bath from an ENGLAND unit. In the end, he will be clean …

Feeding and Rest:

AMERICA units are more than capable in feeding themselves, however, getting them to sleep is a job in itself. This will take about as much thought as trying to get them to take a bath; but, once you have successfully gotten them to go to sleep, it's darn near impossible to get them to wake back up again.

Note: Doing the ice cream thing again is usually the recommended way to wake him up…either that or find either a FRANCE unit in Amore Mode or an ENGLAND unit in Drunk Mode to molest him in his sleep…he'll wake up eventually but then at least you'll have scandalous photo's to blackmail him with later.

Disposal:

Simple, hand him over to rabid yaoi fangirls with RUSSIA units…your former AMERICA unit probably won't like you after that though…but chances of seeing him again are slim to none.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ):

Question: My AMERICA unit isn't growing, is he defective?

Answer: No, you're simply giving him too much love and attention…we know he's cute, but if you want him to mature, you have to leave him alone. We recommend locking him in a closet for a few days…

Q: What happens if my AMERICA unit has a strange love for pancakes?

A: You have a CANADA unit… CA-NA-DA!

Q: A few days after my AMERICA unit matured, he started staying out late at night and one time he came back with a tattoo saying "F-CK YEAH!" on his butt. Is that normal?

A: That's normal...we think……..on his butt you say? Are there pictures? (cough)

Q: There are tons of ENGLAND units out on my lawn, they all look very angry. What should I do?!

A: Your AMERICA unit probably either insulted their cooking or their eyebrows, it is recommended that you throw your AMERICA unit's baby clothes out the window. This will make the ENGLAND units go into Memory Lane Mode…in which case, they may go away to reminisce or they may stay on your lawn with misty eyes muttering things about "the old days".

Q: Now there are yaoi fangirls on my lawn…but my AMERICA unit can't read the atmosphere and thinks it's a party. What should I do?

A: Tell him it's a party….

Q: I tried dressing up like a hamburger to see if my AMERICA unit would eat me…he just stared at me with this sort of vacant look on his face. What's up with that?

A: You may have broken his brain, AMERICA units are not stupid…not really…but you should try getting either a CANADA or an ENGLAND unit to do that. You'll get interesting results. Note: AMERICA unit's OOC Mode can be unlocked this way as well.

Trouble Shooting:

Problem: You come home to find your AMERICA unit huddled in a corner, lying in a fetal position, crying.

Solution: Your or someone else's CANADA unit came over to visit while in Rage Mode. Console by placing a hamburger on his head.

Problem: You buy an ENGLAND unit in order to unlock your AMERICA unit's many locked features. However, nothing happens when they are first put together.

Solution: Get your new ENGLAND unit drunk…

Final Note:

With proper guidance and care, your AMERICA unit will become a great hero! His warranty is good until death (yours or his), and may be voided if he gets captured by a RUSSIA unit.

Thank you for buying this product.

Have a wonderful day :D

* * *

That was rather fun…I think I may do another one! 8D

Oh yes, and I found out who it was that made the Death Note one, it was someone by the name of TAXI unit. I think that's their name…I'm not one hundred percent sure…

Well anyway…yeah…I sort of figured that if they were fine doing one for Death Note as long as proper credit was given, then I figured that my doing one for Hetalia is fine. I am giving credit to the two who started this idea. At least I'm assuming they started it…I don't know OTL.

I just hope you guys enjoy this DX


	2. England unit

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They made me very happy x3

I also noticed that I forgot to fill in his height and weight TwT…I was going to do it before I submitted it, but then I forgot OTL. I'll probably go in and fix it later though =3=…

But anyway! People were mentioning that there was one other like this one and I went looking for it. It wasn't half bad, though I was a little disappointed that they only made two so far D: . No matter, I will be making a lot more than two! With all this positive feed back how can I not!

One final note, I did like that idea of bolding the important parts…like the titles of each section…I think I'm going to do that from here on out…just to make it easier to read :3.

* * *

Arthur Kirkland (The United Kingdom of Great Briton and Northern Ireland/England): The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Hello! And welcome back to Allies Incorporated!

We are proud to present to you the newly remodeled ENGLAND unit. This manual was created to insure you top performance from your favorite English Gentleman. There are several easily accessible and user friendly sections in this manual including FAQ and Troubleshooting, which are located at the end. It is highly recommended that you read everything word for word, especially if you don't want your…eh-hem…Gentleman…to single handedly finance every bar in your hometown.

**Technical Specifications: **

Name: Arthur Kirkland, also goes by Artie, Iggy, Arthur, CAPTAIN Arthur Kirkland,

Birthdate: Unknown

Lifespan (starting from activation): Indefinite

Height: 175 cm (5'9 ft est)

Weight: Undisclosed

Length: Undisclosed (gentleman do not openly share such things!)

Date of Manufacture (DoM): Today

Place of Manufacture: The Gentleman's Shop, Hetalia Incorporated.

Note: The ENGLAND unit, unlike all of Hetalia Incorporated units, does not always know his limitations and as such will constantly insist that his cooking is the best thing since buttered toast. Sadly, there is no way to remove this trait and as such you will just have to suck it up. Or, if your stomach can no longer handle such an assault, simply hide the "food" in your pocket and when the ENGLAND unit is not looking, put it down the disposal. However, if you are caught, your ENGLAND unit will feel both insulted and depressed and will probably not talk to you for several days.

**Your ENGLAND unit Comes with the Following Items:**

Green military uniform

Pair of brown military issue boots

Revolutionary War uniform

Revolutionary War issued rifle

Pirate captain's clothes

Pirate accessories

Angel costume

Angel accessories

Sexy waiter costume

Sexy waiter accessories

Dress suit

Hogwarts uniform

Hogwarts accessories

Punk clothes

Green sweater vest

Brown slacks

Loafers

Cookbook

Busby's Chair

X10 Tea cups w/ tea & milk

X10 Embroidery sets

X50 Fairy friends

X50 Eyebrow replacements

X50 Bottles of rum

When first opening the box, you may find that the ENGLAND unit has long fluffy bunny ears. This may cause the unexplainable urge to hug and snuggle him…it is recommended that you do not do this less you wish to suffer several strange curses. However, he may or may not grow out of this depending on how well you control yourself.

**Programming:**

The ENGLAND unit comes with several different functions and modes. Below are the few occupations he has an aptitude for:

Bunny: ENGLAND's first occupation…and just so darn cute….

Pirate: ENGLAND units can be very, very, VERY assertive in this stage. Do not be surprised if you have to deal with the police on more than one occasion. Also, do not be surprised if you find several hundred songs and movies on your computer that you cannot account for… ENGLAND units will also be the start of several fights, however, this can either be rewarding or not…it usually is when either a SPAIN unit or a FRANCE unit is involved.

Knight: THANK GOODNESS! The ENGLAND unit has had a change of heart by now, while he still may be a bit rambunctious at least now he has a sense of nobility. At this stage, he will carry out just about any order given so long as it doesn't go against his code of conduct…it is a very short lived stage.

Punk: This stage could be considered the ENGLAND unit's "teenaged" years. He's very rebellious and will keep you up at night with loud music, parties, drinking, and drugs. You may also find that he has a very nice singing voice and looks damn sexy in tight pants.

Gentleman: Bipolar much? You will be very thankful when your ENGLAND unit reaches this point. As a gentleman, he will do his best to see that you are happy, even at the cost of his own happiness. However, you will occasionally find him talking to himself and giggling…no, he hasn't gone crazy, he is merely seeking solace from his fairy friends. You can make him happy by saying that you can see them too…he is also prone to random bouts of rage…but they are usually short lived followed by long bouts of depression. He really is such a gentleman…le sigh…

**Your ENGLAND unit Comes in the Following Modes:**

Note: several of the ENGLAND unit's modes also double as stages, but due to how short lived they are, they were not worth mentioning previously.

Gentleman (default)

Cook

Drunk

Memory lane (locked)

Sexy Waiter (locked)

Pirate (locked)

Britannia Angel (locked)

Out of Character (locked)

The ENGLAND unit will always go back to his Gentleman mode…always…because that is what he is…an English gentleman…

Activating Cook mode is dangerously easy and as such you must always be careful when you say you are feeling hungry. When in Cook mode, your ENGLAND unit will successfully make something both burnt and squishy. It is often best not to question how this is possible because the answer will almost always be worse. There is no way to get him out of this mode without negative side affects…you have been warned. However, you can avoid this mode a few times if you can keep silent and cook your own food, though ENGLAND unit's are not stupid and will usually catch on eventually…

Drunk mode is just as easy to activate and is also the key in activating most of the ENGLAND units locked modes. When in Drunk mode, your ENGLAND unit will more than likely quickly slip into Memory lane mode and talk about how life isn't fair and how stupid the AMERICA unit is for leaving him. However, he can also go into Sexy Waiter mode, Britannia Angel mode, or Out of Character mode. All of which usually have more amusing side affects, though your ENGLAND unit will always suffer from a horrible hang over afterwards.

Memory lane mode is fairly easy to activate, however usually difficult to notice if the ENGLAND unit is not drunk and openly talking about it. One way to see if he's in this mode is to see if he has a far away look in his eyes. Either that, or openly ask him if he's thinking about the AMERICA unit. He will usually strongly oppose such a thing, which is a dead give away that he really is.

Sexy Waiter mode can only be activated in either Drunk mode or Out of Character mode. Usually he'll just strip down to nothing but a short black apron and try to serve you some sort of alcohol. His molestability increases by about ten percent.

Pirate mode is exceptionally difficult to activate when he's no longer in that stage of life. However, it is possible if he's in Memory lane mode and slightly drunk. It is not recommended activating this mode, but if you are feeling the need to see him top somebody else, then this is the mode to be in…just be careful, he may try to plunder you as well…

Britannia Angel mode is almost always a good time waiting to happen. When your ENGLAND unit is feeling uncharacteristically generous, this mode will activate. He will then try to grant your wish or some sort of miracle…however, that miracle will sometimes turn out to be just him turning someone into a baby…while cute, it hardly counts…just don't tell him that.

Out of Character mode can only be activated if the ENGLAND unit is completely wasted; or, you can make it more easily activatable by introducing him to other units at a young age. In Out of Character mode, the ENGLAND unit will either be on good terms with another unit, very good at cooking, fall unconditionally in love with unexpected units, or spontaneously getting pregnant. If you are lucky, all of the above at the same time.

Unit's capable of having romantic relationships with the ENGLAND unit: AMERICA, FRANCE, CHINA, JAPAN, HONG KONG, SPAIN, RUSSIA, PRUSSIA, GERMANY, SEYCHELLES, SEALAND, AUSTRALIA, and CANADA.

**Relations With Other Units:**

AMERICA: AMERICA units and ENGLAND units get along more or less, however they do share a deeper connection with one another. ENGLAND units, despite what they say publically, care very much for the AMERICA unit and really does want the other to succeed…even if he is a bloody wanker…

FRANCE: They share a long history…a very long history…while they do not get along with one another at all, both the ENGLAND unit and the FRANCE unit do hold a certain level of respect for the other. Of course, neither of them would openly admit to it. Then, the ENGLAND unit, despite being irritated most of the time, does appreciate to a certain degree, the FRANCE unit's flirting…it makes him feel more internally confident…even though he doesn't show it.

CANADA: The ENGLAND unit looks out for the CANADA unit…at least whenever he remembers who the other is…

CHINA: Another unit in which the ENGLAND unit has a long history with, while the situations may not be as close as they are with the FRANCE unit, it is enough to say that the two are close. It was more or less a phase which resulted in the HONG KONG unit being made…the ENGLAND unit doesn't talk about it much though…

HONG KONG: …Firecrackers are not win…

SEALAND: …The ENGLAND unit does not recognize…

SPAIN: His ass r belonging to ENGLAND unit…These two unit's used to clash all the time back in their "pirate days". But now they just sort of tolerate each other…sort of…

Note: The sun never sets on the ENGLAND unit…

**Cleaning:**

ENGLAND unit's are more than capable of cleaning themselves, in fact, they prefer taking several baths and showers throughout the day…alone. However, if your ENGLAND unit is in Pirate mode, bathing may be a little more difficult…it is often best just to avoid him all together until he either gets tired of his own smell or when he goes into Gentleman mode. Also note, the ENGLAND unit can also pull of the rugged manly smell just about as well as an AMERICA unit, but that's only when he's in Pirate mode and it's only for a short length of time.

**Feeding and Rest:**

This is not a problem area for ENGLAND units. They sometimes go to bed at a late hour, but they are almost always up by six in the morning, dressed, bathed, and having breakfast and morning tea. Unless of course, they were out drinking the night before…then chances of getting them out of bed by noon are slim to none.

**Disposal:**

Being the powerful kingdom that he is, disposing of an ENGLAND unit is shockingly difficult. However, the yaoi fangirl option never fails…he won't die, but you won't ever see him again. Either that or have him try to invent the Panjandrum and ride it…

**Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ):**

Question: My ENGLAND unit keeps disappearing for long periods of time and whenever I clean his room there are lots of candy wrappers all over the place. What the heck is going on?

Answer: He's going to candy mountain!

Q: Me and my ENGLAND unit sat down to watch a movie with Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp and the next day there were thousands of new songs on my computer. And now there are FBI people on my lawn!

A: That's not a question, but the answer is simple…Bloody pirates!

Q: My ENGLAND unit ran away, but then he came back a year later with a trunk, an owl, and a stupidly giddy smile on his face. Where did he go?

A: … Are you serious?

Q: Why did my ENGLAND unit explode?

A: You probably angered him…or…wait…do you mean literally? O.o

Q: My ENGLAND unit came home one night smelling like weed and had like…ten piercings. Where has the innocence gone?! DX

A: Hard to say really…but chances are there are probably at least four more piercings you don't know about.

Q: I came home one day and found my ENGLAND unit wearing my underwear…is that normal?

A: Probably…maybe…(facepalm)

**Trouble Shooting:**

Problem: Your ENGLAND unit keeps insisting that you sit down.

Solution: If you have a RUSSIA unit, have him sit there first…

Problem: You come home to find your ENGLAND unit laughing and flying around the room with a stupid smile on his face.

Solution: There is no solution to this…he's just playing with his fairies.

**Final Note:**

With proper guidance and care, your ENGLAND unit will become a very fine English gentleman! However, he will not turn into "One hell of a butler"…just thought we'd let you know. His warranty is good until death (yours or his), and may be voided if he runs off saying that he has to defeat a powerful dark wizard to save both the magical and muggle world.

Thank you for buying this product.

Have a wonderful day :D

* * *

OMG FINALLY! I apologize for the uber lateness of this. I've been a little lazy T.T. But anyway, I have this one done and I'll have the next chapter of Bletalia done for tomorrow x3 (lyke omg again).

I like this one cause I got to make silly references to other things XD. I actually referenced a few fanfic's as well…or at least parts of fanfics =O. But anyway! I hope you all enjoy this one! I'll be working on another one soon enough :3.


	3. Canada unit

Awww, thank you all for the reviews! I loved joo! (hugs)

I would also like to thank the people who gave suggestions. I absolutely LOVED the idea of saying which unit I'll do next at the end of each chapter so that reviewer's then can do the FAQ's for that unit. Simply brilliant…I can't believe I didn't think of that DX. Kind of like forgetting the Tony accessory for the America unit TwT.

So yeah! Starting with this chapter, at the end, I will be announcing which unit will be next!

* * *

Matthew Williams (Canada): The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Hello once again! Welcome back! We here at Allies Incorporated are glad to have your business once again.

For your viewing pleasure, we would like to present to you the latest CANADA unit. This manual was created to insure you top performance from your favorite…um…that one unit…um…eh…shoot who were we talking about again? Well anyway! There are several easily accessible and user friendly sections in this manual including FAQ and Troubleshooting, which are located at the end. It is highly recommended that you read everything word for word, …oh…um…well, it's a CANADA unit…never mind…

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Matthew Williams, also goes by, Mattie, Matt, Matvy, Matthieu, Mon Cher, Who?, CA-NA-DA, Manada

Birthdate: April 1st

Lifespan (starting from activation): Indefinite

Height: Unknown

Weight: Unknown

Length: Second biggest

Date of Manufacture (DoM): When did we make this one again? Wait…is it even on the manufacture list? …. One moment….

Place of Manufacture: W.H.O.?, Hetalia Incorporated.

Note: The CANADA unit is very easy to misplace so it is recommended that you install a GPS chip in his ass…we mean arm! Yes…arm…

Your CANADA unit Comes with the Following Items:

Fur lined hooded winter jacket

Military uniform

Military issued boots

Glasses

Kumajiro (either a live one or a stuffed animal version)

Red hoody with white maple leaf on front

Baggy blue jeans

Sneakers

Dress suit

Lumber jack outfit

Beaver outfit

Hockey uniform

Hockey stick

X 50 Box's of Pancake mix

X 50 Maple leaf stickers

X 50 Box's of Mac'n'Cheese

X 100 Bottles of maple syrup

X 50 Bags of milk

When first opening the box, do not call us saying we mixed up your order and sent an AMERICA unit. Especially if it's just for the lolz.

**Programming: **

The CANADA unit comes with several different functions and modes. Below are a few occupations he has an aptitude for:

French Colony: CANADA's first occupation, it is at this stage that he learns how to cook with a flare and learn how to speak French. It is recommended having a FRANCE unit around to teach him a few other things as well.

British Colony: Finding the FRANCE units influence to be lacking, the CANADA unit will switch over to an ENGLAND unit where he learns more sophisticated manners. If a FRANCE unit and an ENGLAND unit were to have a child, the CANADA unit would be the perfect combination of both.

Rebel: A short lived stage, however, this will be the only time that a CANADA unit will be able to top an AMERICA unit…don't let him near matches least you want your house burned down…

Chair: CANADA unit's do not like to talk about it…

Hockey Player: CANADA unit's are exceptionally good a playing hockey and as such will try and play as often as they possibly can. Of course, they usually hold a sort of rivalry with AMERICA and RUSSIA units in this particular field…

Lumberjack: Something the CANADA unit will do with the up most reluctance.

Your CANADA unit Comes in the Following Modes:

Note: C ANADA unit's are known for their unique set of modes, which is what makes them so popular. However, it takes a keen eye to notice them.

Invisible (default)

Rage (locked)

Cook

Tourist

Spy (locked)

Super Kawaii Moe Desu (locked)

Sexy Waiter (locked)

Pirate (locked)

??? (locked)

??? (locked)

??? (locked)

Out of Character (locked)

The CANADA unit will almost always be in Invisible mode, there is no avoiding it, unless of course he goes into one of the locked modes. In which case, seeing him will be hard not to do. You have been warned…only the strong of heart and constitution can properly deal with the CANADA unit's locked modes. And for those who wish to push the experience even further, there are three EXTRA mystery modes that can be activated…but you'll have to figure out how they activate…because that's the mystery.

Invisible mode is pretty self explanatory, however, many people have mistaken his Spy mode for this one. There are differences but really…there aren't…

Rage mode can only be unlocked after the CANADA unit has spent seven hours in the same room with other Hetalia units, after which, being introduced to an AMERICA unit. When in Rage mode, he will spend three hours pointing out every single flaw that the AMERICA unit has, thus reducing said unit to a sobbing pile of angst. While amusing, it is best not to have his direction turned onto you, keep in mind, he has a hockey stick…and a tendency to burn things.

Cook mode usually activates whenever either the CANADA unit or yourself are feeling hungry or depressed. Most time he fixes pancakes with ample amounts of maple syrup, lucky for you, they are so good, it usually takes a while for you to get tired of them. However, he also excels at making cookies, brownies, muffins, and small cakes. Do not eat them though…it's a trap. Unlike the ENGLAND unit, the CANADA unit has adapted to the FRANCE unit's style of cooking…which means you won't die if you eat it.

Tourist mode is rather special seeing as it can only be activated in the presence of a CUBA unit. However, this mode is exceptionally easy to deactivate, usually as a result of a CUBA unit beating the poor CANADA unit over the head mistaking him for an AMERICA unit. In this mode, you will find that your CANADA unit will walk around with really corny Hawaiian shirts on and sunglasses…feel free to call him a dork. Though he'll probably then retreat to the kitchen and eat a handful of cookies.

Spy mode can be activated in two ways, one way is when the CANADA unit is in Out of Character mode. The other way is if he is addressed by another unit to keep an eye on some other unit. When in this mode, the CANADA unit is able to literally blend into any surrounding. Not just become invisible, he can literally disappear. Of course, there is one minor flaw…sometimes the thrill of this mode will get to your CANADA units head and he'll start humming either the Mission Impossible theme or the James Bond theme.

Super Kawaii Moe Desu mode is by far the CANADA unit's secret weapon. All that can be said about this mode is that the CANADA units molestability is over NINE THOUSAND!!!!! (Note: When in this mode, it is best to keep him indoors…and perhaps off in his own little room. Anything and everything…and everyone…will want to molest him…even you…it has been tested.)

Sexy Waiter mode can only be activated in Out of Character mode, and once activated, your CANADA unit will realize that he has little tolerance for alcohol, become exceptionally wasted, and do various sexy dances with ENGLAND units. It's very funny…But, unlike ENGLAND units, CANADA units tend to have minimal hangover symptoms.

Pirate mode is another mode that can only be activated while in Out of Character mode, though there have been a few rare cases where this mode has been activated when in Rage mode. While a short lived mode, and the hardest to activate, your CANADA unit will start talking about boarding and docking…this is when you run away.

If you wish to know what the three mystery modes are…well…we can't tell you…because they're a mystery.

Out of Character mode can be activated much the same way as relationships can be created on the Sims. Simply have your CANADA unit interact with other units and then have those units flirt or attempt to molest him. CANADA units, while not majorly social, do like the company of other people and as such will bond quickly with those around him.

Unit's capable of having romantic relationships with the CANADA unit: AMERICA, ENGLAND, FRANCE, PRUSSIA, RUSSIA, UKRAINE, CUBA

Relations With Other Units:

AMERICA: AMERICA units and CANADA units are brother models and as such treat each other like brothers. Usually the CANADA unit does not like being in his brothers shadow and tries to distinguish himself from the other. However, the two of them share a deep bond that can't be broken, if one is in trouble, the other is always there to get them out.

ENGLAND: A sort of father figure, CANADA units usually don't have an overly close relationship with ENGLAND unit's. However, they do get along and share several of the same hobbies.

FRANCE: The key parental figure, FRANCE units and CANADA units share many of the same qualities. While the CANADA unit is far too shy to be as flamboyantly flirty as a FRANCE unit, the two are nearly inseparable. The FRANCE unit claims that his turned out better than ENGLAND's. The FRANCE unit is the first model capable of telling the difference between a CANADA unit and an AMERICA unit.

CUBA: These two are best friends, they both enjoy ice cream and sunsets…however, CUBA units still have trouble distinguishing the CANADA unit for the AMERICA unit. This usually doesn't hinder their friendship though, seeing as the CUBA unit usually figures it out later and apologizes with more ice cream.

RUSSIA: The rival…in a manner of speaking. CANADA units get along very well with RUSSIA units, much to AMERICA units disapproval. Sharing and equally abundant number of hobbies, the odds of a CANADA unit being physically harmed by a RUSSIA unit are slim to none. Also, the RUSSIA unit is capable of noticing the CANADA unit without mistaking him for an AMERICA unit.

Note: CANADA unit's enjoy being around others and will get along with just about anyone.

**Cleaning: **

CANADA unit's are usually very good about taking regular baths and showers, though depending on what is going on, he may forget from time to time. A friendly reminder usually get's him back into the habit. Being one of the more shy model's, your CANADA unit may want to take his baths alone, however if you ask nicely he may feel obligated to let you take one with him…or let one of the other unit's take one with him. Why? Because he's just that nice.

**Eating and Sleeping: **

Once again, another issue that needn't be worried about with CANADA units. The only thing you need to watch out for is how many pancakes he'll eat because that's almost all he'll eat. If you want your CANADA figure staying slim, take him out for a short jog every day, he'll love the out doors and it helps burn calories! CANADA unit's are really good sleepers, though they do have a tendency of sleeping in longer during the winter.

**Disposal: **

Where'd he go again?

**Frequently asked Questions (FAQ):**

Question: Ack! I can't find my CANADA unit! Where'd he go?!

Answer: Look again…

Q: What should I do if I come home and find my CANADA unit lying on the floor with his butt in the air?

A: We'll tell you what not to do...don't put a "Free Ride's!" sign anywhere near or around him.

Q: My CANADA unit is walking around dressed like a beaver, is that normal?

A: We're not really sure, try checking our website and if you have photo's also check out our forum where other CANADA owners have posted their pictures!

Q: I ate one of my CANADA units cookies and now I feel a little funny, does this mean he's a bad cook?

A: No it doesn't, just don't speak of it outside of your home…you may get arrested.

Q: Can my CANADA unit have babies?

A: 8U…um…eh…(cough)…maybe…

Q: There are hundreds of FRANCE units out on my lawn…

A: Would you like to sign up for our special R.A.E.P. insurance package?

**Trouble Shooting:**

Problem: If your CANADA unit were ever to actually disappear for several days on end…

Solution: Call the toll free number on the back of his box and a specialist will then send you a list via text message of every FRANCE unit in your area.

Problem: Your CANADA unit suddenly starts exhibiting overly manly tendencies that would rival that of a certain man who kicks logic to the curb…

Solution: You have unlocked one of the mystery modes…however, do not demand that he give you your helmet back…

**Final Note: **

With proper guidance and care, your CANADA unit will become the most noticeable unit ever! As long as he keeps Quebec that is…and as long as the RUSSIA unit keeps shrinking. His warranty is good until death (yours or his), and may be voided if you report him missing even though he's standing right be hind you…watching you sleep…

Thank you for buying this product.

Have a wonderful day, eh? :D

* * *

X3 That was fun…but my legs are all funny feeling DX…I think I'm tired…yeah, I am…I'm gonna lie down now and watch D2: The Mighty Ducks x3. But anyway…I feel special with that last trouble shooting question XD. I'm sure all you awesome people know what I'm referencing…then again I wasn't trying to be subtle with that one XD.

For those who don't…I will be glad to educate you in the ways of "OMFGasm"….ok I'll out right and say it cause I want to say something about it =3=. It's from Gurren Lagann, when Kamina ripped the helmet thing off of Viral's gunman…personally I thought that was a bastardly move cause afterwards Viral's gunman didn't look as cool (sob). But whatever. I just adore Viral…I've noticed the serious lack of raep fic's here on involving him. I think I'll write one. I actually have two in mind, one's a one shot and the other will be multi chapter…but maybe like…five chapters or something…short really.

AND OMFG HETALIA MOVIE!!! (explodes repeatedly)

BUT ANYWAY! Enough of that, on to the part I'm sure you guys have been waiting for! The next unit I will be working on will be….(drum roll)…. FRANCE!

If you haven't noticed a pattern yet, I'm working through the Allies first and then the Axis and then everybody else. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to doing GRANDPA ROME XD. He is such a pimp…I love him so much. Anyway, yeah…look forward to reading your questions! XD


	4. Announcement

Hello my loyal readers!

Yes, I know, it's not an update DX I'm sorry. I just wanted to inform everyone that no, I have not forgotten these stories and I do plan on updating soon. I have several chapters started I just need to sit down and finish them XD.

I am currently blaming my sudden interest in marathoning various anime series and drawing…mainly working on my webcomic which I actually need to update as well OTL.

But anyway yeah, I am posting this message in all of my stories so that everyone who is reading them will read this and know that I haven't forgotten!

MythoDelRosa


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